Dealing with Anxiety when Going through Memorabilia

Dealing with Anxiety when Going through Memorabilia

Feelings and thoughts come up as we go through memorabilia and curate our homes and ourselves. It’s the editing of our ultimate creative process, our lives, that we find ourselves charged with and yet many of us have gotten little “training” or modeling of it. We can get sucked into our memorabilia. Memorabilia can seem to give us a guarantee of good, joyful, fulfilling experiences on demand. They are there and we can access them at any time. In a way, we can control when and how we access this happiness or pleasure or safety we derive from communing with the memorabilia. And yet it becomes our task, again, to decide “keep or toss or give away?” A seemingly simple task ends up becoming difficult or filling us with anxiety when our relationship with the item has become complex with feelings, memories, pressure, and expectations. So let’s try to simplify!

A little about anxiety:

“Anxiety” is in our common language and we all know, in a way, what it is: that feeling of unease or discomfort that we seem to have little to no control over. We have a sense of when it will come up again and we wait for it to come and go. 

Anxiety is actually a signal that there are feelings that need to be acknowledged. It can be managed or worked through by asking

• “What am I actually feeling?
• What feelings are under this anxiety?

and then listening for the answer and accepting the feelings that emerge without judgement. The easiest and most important way to accept the feelings is to feel them. Let the feelings pass through you. They won’t be there forever. They will pass. Then you face the feelings and reality clearly, rather than through the veil of anxiety that blurs our perceptions and decision making abilities.

But don’t stop there if going through memorabilia is hard. Ask yourself:

• "What does this item bring up for me?
• Does it seem to touch upon a need I currently have in my life (needing/wanting to feel more connected with myself or others; wanting a greater sense of belonging; fun; safety, etc)."

Get into it. It’s deep but only takes a few minutes if you’re as honest as you can be. Ask yourself:

• "What am I afraid of if I let this go?
• What am I afraid of in my current life?"

Answer the questions. And then ask yourself again. See if there’s another answer. Keep asking until you can’t answer anymore.  Then ask:

• "Do I still need this?
• Why?
• What functional or sentimental (i.e. emotional) purpose is this serving?
• Is this purpose still serving me?
• What might happen if I let this go and never see it again?"

Mantras:

We all need mantras or sayings that help frame how we are looking at the world and what we are choosing to do. Keep these with you and say them as you go.

• I’m ok. I’m ok. I’m ok. — Try this one especially when you don’t know what else to do
• There’s plenty in the world for me and everyone else
• There’s more
• I have what I need and so do my loved ones

Make a decision and move on:

After having clarified your thoughts and feelings and have practiced mantras to remember that you’re ok, then you can make a more informed decision on your relationship with the memorabilia in your life and what to do about it. If you decide it is time to let it go, then with the reverence it (and you) deserves, let it move on. If you’re really not sure and the uncertainty is really eating away at you, put it in a maybe pile. If you decide to keep it, then keep it. Just give it its home and place in a way that serves your life as you live it now.

Remember this: there need be no pressure about this. You may have feelings, but that is different than pressure. Pressure may come from yourself—to keep something for fear of not having something like that again or the pressure to please others. Pressure may come from others— family members who can’t accept letting something go themselves may “give” it to loved ones to have even though it’s really an unwanted gift. Instead of keeping something because there’s pressure from a family member to hold on to it, be really honest with yourself about your intention with the item, reach out to someone you trust for feedback, make your decision, then act. 

You are allowed to curate your life. It takes conscious work. You can do it. And you don’t have to do it alone. 

Much clarity to you!

Mechelle Chestnut, MA, MT-BC, LCATLicensed Psychotherapist
Board Certified Music Therapist

Manhattan/Brooklyn/Online
646-505-8632

www.mechellechestnut.com